The Green Games: Chapter Twenty-Three (Dramione)

Everything was white.

Hermione took a couple of steps, but found nothing changed...it was one flat plane of just nothingness.

It was terrifying.

There was a gentle murmur, almost a whisper behind her, and she turned. Translucent squares of moving pictures, most too blurry to make out words or people, hung suspended on the whiteness. She reached up to touch one, but found it infinitely farther away than she could touch.

Her brow creased, and her lips turned downward in confusion. It was all things she'd experienced. She could see things here that only herself knew; such as how she really hurt her knee when she was eight, or the first quick kiss with her first crush at nine.

The longer she stared, the louder and clear they became until everything was shouting over each other, and the sound was deafening.

Hermione clasp her hands over her head, gritting her teeth, and shaking her head. "Shut up!" She hissed in frustration, and simply like that, it quieted.

She cautiously took her hands down.

Memories, weren't they?

She focused hard on clearing her mind, and they all vanished.

All, except one, and try as she might...it did not budge.

She wasn't thinking much of anything, and when she did- like of Elizabeth or Ron, a blimp of them flashed on the whiteness, but she was able to dissolve it away with simplicity. But this one? This remained constant, a dull color, but sharp.

It was her subconscious, she reckoned, thinking furiously without her even knowing it.

It was from her point of view, and it was looking at Draco. She padded over to it, until she was directly under it, and the voices became clear and audible.

"If you kill me…make it painless?" She heard herself ask, and she winced in this form.

"Huh? Why would I kill you?" Draco looked so confused, and almost startled, something Hermione didn't pick up on until seeing it over again now. In that moment, which seemed so long ago, she hadn't noticed much at all. She'd been too anxious, too tired, to angry to see much else.

"Because we are enemies. And we don't have time for second thoughts about that anymore."

She saw his whole body stiffen, and he took a breath in swiftly. His eyes hardened, "I guess so. Despite the fact you may win, you'll still me a mudblood."

The word faded out, ringing in her ears.

It didn't matter how faux those words seemed, it still stung her.

She saw it re-loop back, start again. Her brain must really be considering this hard.

She realized why, after watching it a couple more times.

She felt betrayed by him.

Everything had hurt. Even thinking of the pain she'd felt moments- or was it hours?- ago lighted every nerve ending through her body with the same static shocks. And he'd just stared distastefully at her.

And going through this again, he hadn't even seemed to believe any of what he said. Not the slur, not the promise, nothing but the kindness seemed real. So what had changed? What had made her so disgusting to him in her eyes? What had caused him to let her suffer to the point where she was now hallucinating this?

She shook her head, and the imagine vanished.

Her brain had worked itself out.

She looked up again, curious, and saw Seamus' last moments flash across her. It was sick, putting this up there, but she had to watch it. His neck cracking, and his eyes just flickering out. It replayed over and over again.

She did this. This was her fault. And now...now Seamus was gone forever.

She wiped the back of her hand under her eyes, catching the loose tears that were dripping from her lashes. She sniffled, shaking her head. She should cry. She should be mourning. What else did she have to do here?

There was a set of footsteps behind her, and she turned. Her whole face broke into a wide grin, and her feet recognized the person before her mind did.

In reality, it wasn't even until she'd crossed the white expanse and threw her arms around the person, inhaling their oh-so-familiar scent that she let out a chocked sob.

"Harry." She weeped, digging her nose into his neck. She felt his arms reach behind her and hold her tighter, and for the longest time, they merely stood there, swaying slightly, but never speaking.

When Hermione pulled back, she felt tears spring to her eyes for a thousand different reasons. The most striking, though, left her soundless for a fraction of a moment. "This means I'm dead, doesn't it?" Her voice broke half-way through, and she tried to wrap her head around it.

So Draco had killed her. Or she'd died from getting stabbed and thrown off a cliff. Either way...here she was?

Harry didn't answer immediately, and Hermione's mind went to a thousand other things, trying to distract her. She looked him up and down; he was nothing like he looked like all those years ago. He wasn't a gangly newly-minted-teen anymore. He was a man now, but his hair was still messy, his glasses still sat awkwardly on his nose, and his smile was still stretched between his ears.

"You're not dead." Harry said, and Hermione let out a sigh. She couldn't tell if it was one of relief or one of something else, "Well, erm...it's complicated."

She, despite the circumstance, let out a snort. Harry was as eloquent as ever.

"I don't...understand." She said once she began to try to reason with what he'd said.

"It's poetic justice, I think." Harry started, shoving his hands into his pockets, "You chose to go into these games, like I knew you would eventually, so you get to chose when to leave them now."

"You knew I'd go to the games?" Hermione gave him a look.

"Out of everything, you focus on that?" He chuckled, but his face darkened, "It's...who you are Hermione. I guess I almost hoped since it was your last year, but..." He pressed his lips together.

Hermione scrutinized him.

"How long have you been here?" She asked, "Where is here?"

"I don't quite know where it is. But I've been here since I died. I guess it makes sense. I started it all, so now I can apologize to everyone that dies. I'm dead, and people are still dying because of me." He shook his head angrily.

"Harry James Potter, look at me." Hermione grabbed his hands, "You did not start this. Voldemort did." She said fiercely.

"But-,"

"Merlin, you haven't changed a bit." She said, then contemplated his words, "So you've seen everyone that's come through? Seen them to the better place?" She asked quietly.

"I've seen Seamus, yes, if that's what you're asking. All of them, except some Slytherins each year. I hear Daphne and Blaise are dead, but..." Harry shook his head.

Hermione didn't want to tell Harry she'd killed Blaise. She couldn't imagine his disappointed response if she did. Besides, her mind was spinning.

"It's my fault Seamus is dead. He would never have put himself in danger if I was smarter." Hermione hugged her arms, a chill overtaking her, "I'm awful." She said, "Maybe it's better I'm dead."

"Half-dead." Harry corrected, drawing her back to the original question.

"How can one be half-dead and see you, the bringer to the afterlife?" She questioned, "For lack of better explanation." She added, seeing Harry's frown.

"Down in the games, someone is really trying to save your life, Mione. But they can only take it so far. You have to want to live, fight." He said.

"Well, of course I want to live." Hermione said, chuckling, "Who wouldn't?"

Harry gave her a lopsided smile, one that she always got when he saw right through her or Ron. "You'd be down there if you were being truthful, you know?" He said. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she did know. She hung her head.

"I don't know if I want to chose again." Hermione admitted, "I sealed my fate when I let Artemis live, so I thought. It's...too much to chose again."

'I can't make that choice for you." Harry said, wiser above what she remembered, "And it's not going to stay forever. Eventually, your body down there just won't be able to sustain itself. But...you have some time." He assured, and went in for another hug, "I prayed I would never have to see this day. If Ron comes through..." She could feel Harry's shoulders shaking around hers, and when she looked up at him, she saw him hastily wipe a tear away.

"Ron's survived so far." She whispered.

"I know. That's good for him. Really good. Give me a lot of hope." Harry said, but it was as though he was convincing himself.

"I wish I could stay here forever." Hermione whispered quietly, "You left us too soon. Ron's still inconsolable whenever someone says your name. I still turn around to show you something in a book, something about Quidditch or magic or anything." She felt her eyes water, "Stupid, isn't it? It's been years. Years. I don't know if I'll ever get used to you being gone."

"I wish I could too." Harry agreed, "I hate seeing people pass through, like Ernie, knowing at least they're going to family. Me? Merlin knows how long I'll be here." He said dejected. Hermione felt horrible for not thinking of it sooner; how his whole life, eh'd only wanted to meet his parents, and now he couldn't do that even.

"Everyone misses you."

"I was the Chosen One. I failed them." Harry said evenly, and it was obvious he believed every word.

"Nonsense."

"Maybe I never was." Harry mused, "Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe it is Longbottom. Maybe it's neither." He looked Hermione square in the eye, "I hear you've gathered quite the fan club."

"It's ridiculous. I never wanted it." Hermione snapped, "I was just doing the right thing! People shouldn't be honoring me for that. If it was more common, it wouldn't be so miraculous." She huffed.

"And you claim I- who has been trapped in limbo for years-haven't changed?" He said, raising an eyebrow at her. Hermione blushed.

"I've changed, Harry. I'm not a good person anymore." She said. How did she imagine she wasn't going to tell Harry? She'd always felt so safe telling him her secrets. He didn't gossip, but he cared. It was silly to imagine she'd get through this without saying anything. Maybe she did want to live, maybe not? Either way, she wasn't going back with this guilt tearing through her, telling her she didn't deserve to live.

Maybe Harry would agree with those voices because he was those voices and her choice would be easy.

Harry didn't speak, he just looked at her, waiting. He was always more reasonable than Ron in tense situations, so it didn't surprise her much that he was waiting to make a judgement.

"I promised myself going in I wouldn't turn out like this. I'm not the person I was in the beginning; I hate myself for it. I killed Lavender and Blaise. And when I killed Blaise...I enjoyed it. I am no better than Pansy herself; we're both pawns. We're just doing exactly what Voldemort wants and that's..." She swallowed, looking at Harry, and she saw the bloody mess he was the moment he died, "That's unforgivable."

"Lav thanked you, by the way, sort of." Harry spoke softly, "She told me as she passed on that she was so grateful. And Blaise...?" He just suppressed a sigh.

He stood, shrugging, "I can't judge you, Hermione. I couldn't. Seamus did tell me about it, Blaise. It wasn't you. Well, it was. But it was the darkness of Hermione. It exists in all of us. I don't think you're a villain for letting it out. I can see you want me to tell you what to do but...I can't."

"I thought you'd say that." Hermione gave a exhausted breath of air, "Worth a try."

"I'll leave you to it." Harry said, and hesitated, before surging forward and hugging her again, "In case this is good-bye." He whispered hoarsely.

"I won't...see you again?" Hermione felt her breath hitch painfully.

"I can't say. I've never sent someone back before. I hope I get to." He said, "I love you Hermione, remember that." He said. Hermione looked back, knowing well it wasn't the sort of love Seamus felt for her, but a family/sibling type of love. A bond of a best friend.

"I love you too, Harry." She replied, and he began to back away, "Wait! Harry!" She called, and he turned slightly, adjusting his glasses, "In the arena...you saved my life. Telling me to put the cloak over me and after. Was it really you? Or was I just hallucinating?" She was almost afraid to ask.

"You should know by now Hermione. Those you love...they never leave you." He gave a half-grin, chuckling, before fading back into the white.

Hermione turned around, trying not to over-think everything he'd said. As she began to take a couple steps away, things came into view. It was as though she'd been trapped in a thick mist, and each step brought her out of the fogginess.

It was King's Cross, albeit the cleanest she'd ever seen it. Every inch of the platform gleamed like someone had buffered it until it shown like stars. It looked better than new, it looked ethereal.

At the tracks, there was no train. But...there was a row of benches, and someone was sitting at one.

She stopped, frozen in her tracks.

"Seamus?"

Seamus lifted his head, and as soon as he saw Hermione, his whole body crumpled.

"No." He said, "You...you can't be here. I...you should have lived." He said. Hermione said nothing as she came to sat next to him. She looked him up and down; he too looked cleaned and perfect.

"I'm not dead. Not yet." She tilted her head, "Harry...he says it's my choice."

"You have to go back, obviously." Seamus' voice had a ferocity with it that startled her, "You have to." He repeated.

"What if..." Hermione felt her shoulders sag, "I can't?"

"Hermione, please. Otherwise what I did...was for nothin." He said firmly, and Hermione looked up, her eyes swimming.

"It was my fault though. If I'd been smarter, less foolhardy...you wouldn't be dead. Shouldn't I pay something for that? I led you to your death. Don't you hate me?" She asked, and she truly expected the worst.

"Hate?" Seamus almost chocked, "Merlin, woman, you have no idea? You didn't magic me to you, you didn't force me in front of Pansy. I am a big enough boy to make my own choices, ken?" He said, raising an eyebrow, then his voice grew serious, "I'd do it a thousand more times if it gave you a chance." His fingers hesitantly reached out to hers, and she let their hands intertwine.

"But..." Hermione shook her head, "You survived so long without me. After meeting me for only a couple days, our first time out, you were killed. You could still be alive now if I hadn't ever come your way."

"That's all just assumptions." He dismissed it, "I don't think so. The Games are hell, Hermione. You gave me a reason to want to survive. Had you not been picked, I wouldn't have tried nearly as hard to stay alive. Even dying, you gave me the best last couple days of my life. I got to be with the girl of my dreams, no matter how fleeting." At Hermione's frown, he continued, "If neither of us had been picked, I would have never said much of anything. I would have married a perfectly nice lass, had a kid or two, but always would be watching you and wondering...what you sounded like when I made yeh laugh, what you felt like, tasted like-,"

Hermione hit him on the shoulder, blushing, "Seamus!"

"It's true!" He laughed, and she followed, and his lips rested in a comfortable smile, "Not many people get a wish like that to come true."

"I don't see why you never asked me out." Hermione muttered, "I wouldn't have said no."

"I may be a Gryffindor but with women? Merlin, I'm a coward. Me and you? Different leagues, even." He insisted, but Hermione shook her head.

"I gave you a chance in the games. I think I would have given you one out there too." She said with an affirmative nod, "What if I want to go with you...on?"

Seamus gave an aggravated sigh, "Hermione-,"

"What if we go to different places after I die? What if I just die anyway in the games again, and I could have been with you the whole time? What if I do win, and years later, I can't find you on the other side or you've found someone else?" Hermione asked, nervously picking at her fingernails.

"If you tell me that you're in love with me, I won't believe it." Seamus said, "Hermione Granger doesn't fall that easily in love. She's smarter than that."

"You're right," She admitted, "I'm not. But I so easily could have been, will be, with a little more time." She ran her thumb over his skin.

"I would hate myself forever if you threw your chance at life away to be with me. I'm fabulous, but not worth it." He insisted.

"I think I get to make that choice."

"Don't...don't do this." Seamus said, his whole body quivering, "I don't want you like this. I want you after you win, after you enjoyed life. I'll always be waiting. No bird on earth could hold a candle to Hermione Granger."

Hermione heard the whistle of the train, and she leaned forward.

"I don't know what to do." She moaned.

"Go back. Please. I swear to Merlin, if you get on that train with me, I'll shove you off." He said, half-joking. She shot him a small smile, pushing her hair behind her ears, "Or I'll decide to not go either, come back as a ghost and haunt you forever!" He wiggled his fingers at her.

"No! Go on, find peace, Seamus." She insisted, appalled at the idea. He tugged on a curly strand of hair.

"Now you understand me, eh?" He said softly.

The train whistled as it pulled, up and Seamus stood.

"Don't follow me. I know you liked to break rules and all at Hogwarts, but don't break this one." He teased.

Hermione reached out, grabbing his wrist, and pulling him back toward her. She grabbed his face and pulled him into a long, searing kiss that made her whole body tremble.

"I love you." She whispered, "Not in the way fully I could, but I love you for what you did for me. All of it. I couldn't ever forget it." She murmured.

"I love you in every way I can." Seamus whispered. She felt him press something into the palm of her hands, "So you never forget me. Not even when Draco finds you." He muttered.

"What do you mean?" She asked, frowning.

"Never mind." He shrugged, and leaned forward to kiss her again, "Go home. Win. Please."

She felt his hand leave hers as he turned and hopped on the train. She couldn't have moved if she wanted to, she was stuck on the spot as their eyes met and the train started to break away to wherever it was taking him. Her heart felt as though it had shattered, but now...she did want to win.

She turned, and took a step, the thought of living exploding in her chest. By her second step, she had stepped back into darkness and the agonizing pain.

"Draco! She's waking up!" Colin's voice floated around, detached, far above her. Hermione couldn't move at all, but she forced her eyes open.

There was something digging into her palm. She forced her blurry vision down, and brought something close to her face with any effort she had left.

It was a charm on a worn, braided leather chain. The charm was a four-leaf clover, and in the center of it, a small emerald. She turned it around and saw the engraved initials 'S.D.F' etched into the back. She let out a small smile and a tear leaked down her cheek, before the energy she'd used caught up with her, and she fell back.

This time, she only went to her own, completely fantasized dreams.